Why do I [describe the pattern]? stay in relationships I know are not the best fit for me or wait longer than I should before getting out of them.
Potential positives of not changing my pattern:
I could end up having more relationships or be in one regardless of how perfect or not it feels.
Potential negatives of not changing my pattern:
Not listening to my intuition or taking the time to find the partner that is the best possible match.
Potential positives of changing my pattern:
Really learning to trust myself and what I know is best for me. This is radical self care and will set me up to be with someone who will be the right fit for me.
Potential negatives of changing my pattern:
Passing someone by because they don’t seem good enough, overthinking everything, and taking my overthinking as intuition when it isn’t.
What can I do to learn about my pattern and who can I discuss this with?
I have done this with friends, therapist, etc.
Am I ready to declare my commitment to change?
What can I do to prepare, such as what will I do and say differently than before?
I think being really clear about what I like, what I don’t like about the person and checking in as things go along and really making sure it all feels inline, and if it doesn’t not being afraid to let it go and trust in that.
How can I practice before I try this?
Taking care of myself in situations with friends, work, etc. and leaving situations that are toxic for me.
What if my action or conversation goes well?
Then I will have confidence that I am making the correct decisions.
What if it doesn’t go well? What might the consequence be?
I might doubt myself.
When and where will I try out my new way of changing my pattern?
When I start dating for sure.
I’m letting go of my old pattern, and embracing the new one:
I stayed in my last relationship even though a big part of me knew he wasn’t the best fit for me. I know I tend to ignore red flags when I feel immediate chemistry with someone. I have ended interacting with a few dates but mostly have experienced being left even if I think I should. I’m wanting to have the confidence to trust that if I need to leave a relationship I will and in a timely fashion.
Where else in my life can I use this new pattern?
I have been doing this in friend/work situations already.
How do I reward myself for continuing the process of change?
Energy work session.
Ways I slipped back to my old ways, and how I handled the relapse (if applicable):
Learning from the experience, hopefully sooner than the last time, and moving on.
What is difficult about maintaining my new pattern?
I think anything that is different and new takes some time to adjust to and make a habit. I think it can be hard to tell someone your concerns and I can be concerned about hurting someones feelings and I need to put myself first.
How do I feel about changing my pattern?