1
How did my partner express fear? Was my partner often defensive, judgmental, controlling, critical or blaming? Was there any bullying, teasing, jealous or sarcastic behaviors? How did my partner express anger? Was my partner often resentful, frustrated, bored, distant or aggressive? How did my partner express sadness? Was my partner often tired, low-energy, lonely or depressed? How did my partner express shame? Was my partner often clingy, needy or seem afraid of being abandoned? How did my partner show happiness? Did my partner express happiness in ways that did not feel healthy and did not work for me? How did my partner argue and handle disagreements? Was my partner able to compromise in the relationship? What about my partner really frustrated me? What else did not work for me? What were the negative ways my partner expressed their emotions in our relationship?1
How did my partner express fear? Was my partner often defensive, judgmental, controlling, critical or blaming? Was there any bullying, teasing, jealous or sarcastic behaviors? How did my partner express anger? Was my partner often resentful, frustrated, bored, distant or aggressive? How did my partner express sadness? Was my partner often tired, low-energy, lonely or depressed? How did my partner express shame? Was my partner often clingy, needy or seem afraid of being abandoned? How did my partner show happiness? Did my partner express happiness in ways that did not feel healthy and did not work for me? How did my partner argue and handle disagreements? Was my partner able to compromise in the relationship? What about my partner really frustrated me? What else did not work for me? What were the negative ways my partner expressed their emotions in our relationship?Being too judgmental at times
Not making me feel safe or secure in the relationship
Making me feel that I was not valued – not putting my needs first or going out of his way to do something kind for me to show how much he cared
*This is all Tim/Kevin related
I would say more of being judgmental
*This is Tim related
I would say a sense of frustration and at times distance
*This is David related
He would sort of get depressed and not want to talk about it. At time he may have even distanced himself
*This is David related
Don’t really recall this feeling coming up
How did my partner show happiness? Did my partner express happiness in ways that did not feel healthy and did not work for me?Can’t recall a negative experience with this
How did my partner argue and handle disagreements?David –
If it got to this point – he could yell (but I feel like I probably usually got him to that point)
Generally speaking David would be a calm arguer. I only can recall 2-3 occasions where he was really really upset and may have lost his temper
Yes – always.
What about my partner really frustrated me?His personal habits/mannerisms
His procrastination in giving me advanced notice on really important big news (ie. I got a job offer in DC and l am leaving in 2 days)
The difficulty he had in saying “no” to his parents or standing up for himself at times in front of his parents
When I think about the last two relationships I had with Tim and Conor (both short lived) but what didn’t work for me in them was: the lack of unknown – never knowing when or if I was going to see them again; always feeling insecure and anxious to express myself or my needs. I just remember that feeling of insecurity and anxiety in dating them and never truly feeling I could be myself
What were the negative ways my partner expressed their emotions in our relationship?Yelling or not speaking
How did my partner express fear? Was my partner often defensive, judgmental, controlling, critical or blaming? Was there any bullying, teasing, jealous or sarcastic behaviors?Controlling defensive and bullying
How did my partner express anger? Was my partner often resentful, frustrated, bored, distant or aggressive?Distant and assertive
How did my partner express sadness? Was my partner often tired, low-energy, lonely or depressed?Low energy and depressed
How did my partner express shame? Was my partner often clingy, needy or seem afraid of being abandoned?Very clingy and afraid of abandonment
How did my partner show happiness? Did my partner express happiness in ways that did not feel healthy and did not work for me?He would want me to spend time with his family and act happy
How did my partner argue and handle disagreements?Yell then not speak
Was my partner able to compromise in the relationship?No compromise
What about my partner really frustrated me?Lazy never happy
What else did not work for me?Didn’t take care of himself and didn’t take blame no life plan
What were the negative ways my partner expressed their emotions in our relationship?demeaning comments
strong opinions on my hair / clothes / makeup
not following through on agreements
verbally abusive
controlling / manipulation tactics
not engaging when present or physically not showing up
“the looks” of disapproval / disappointment / irritation
distance (physical and emotional)
verbally abusive
lack of communication
controlling / manipulative
demeaning comments
distance (physical and emotional)
verbally abusive
lack of communication
frustration
raised voice
distance (physical and emotional)
occasionally clingy
glossed over it – joked or ignored it
rationalized or denied it / shifted blame to someone else
with others and I was an afterthought – didn’t tell me at all or told me after the fact; I felt excluded
How did my partner argue and handle disagreements?stated their position; listened briefly to mine then moved on to a different topic without closure or true resolution of the underlying issue
said it was a joke just to end the conversation / argument
provoked a reaction, acted like a victim when he got the reaction he tried for
lots of control and manipulation
in minor things but typically, no. It tended to be their way or their way – when we got together, for how long, what we did
What about my partner really frustrated me?-the lack of commitment, cheating on me with other women
-no gifts, no public displays of affection
-the lies of omission not considered lies
-not knowing when we’d get together again; no or little advance notice of get togethers which meant I made/kept plans and missed seeing him or set my schedule aside to be available last minute
-being the Wednesday / Saturday girl and the rest of the time we didn’t see each other
-his online dating profile still being up throughout our almost 3 year relationship, complete with “online today” and “online within the week” regardless of here or in Alaska
-disrespecting my cats when we were at my place
disengagement, silence
How did my partner express fear? Was my partner often defensive, judgmental, controlling, critical or blaming? Was there any bullying, teasing, jealous or sarcastic behaviors?silence, defensiveness, blaming, sarcasm
How did my partner express anger? Was my partner often resentful, frustrated, bored, distant or aggressive?bullying
How did my partner express sadness? Was my partner often tired, low-energy, lonely or depressed?depressed, low energy
How did my partner express shame? Was my partner often clingy, needy or seem afraid of being abandoned?with fake confidence
How did my partner show happiness? Did my partner express happiness in ways that did not feel healthy and did not work for me?n/a
How did my partner argue and handle disagreements?like a bully
Was my partner able to compromise in the relationship?no
What about my partner really frustrated me?it was his way or the highway
What else did not work for me?controlling behaviors
What were the negative ways my partner expressed their emotions in our relationship? How did my partner express fear? Was my partner often defensive, judgmental, controlling, critical or blaming? Was there any bullying, teasing, jealous or sarcastic behaviors?He would lash out and be manipulative.
How did my partner express anger? Was my partner often resentful, frustrated, bored, distant or aggressive?He would yell. He would make personal and mean attacks.
How did my partner express sadness? Was my partner often tired, low-energy, lonely or depressed?He would drink.
How did my partner express shame? Was my partner often clingy, needy or seem afraid of being abandoned?He would drink.
How did my partner show happiness? Did my partner express happiness in ways that did not feel healthy and did not work for me? How did my partner argue and handle disagreements?He bullied and demeaned me.
Was my partner able to compromise in the relationship?No, He blamed me for everything. He did not take any responsibility for anything.
What about my partner really frustrated me?He did not try to make the relationship work.
What else did not work for me?He did not have my best interests in mind.
He was not generous or empathetic.
He would not take on the traditional male role of protector and provider.
He was not respectful.
For him, sex was not a bonding experience, but rather solely for physical pleasure.
He would withdraw, turn things around on me, be silent.
How did my partner express fear? Was my partner often defensive, judgmental, controlling, critical or blaming? Was there any bullying, teasing, jealous or sarcastic behaviors?He was defensive. He was manipulative.
How did my partner express anger? Was my partner often resentful, frustrated, bored, distant or aggressive?Distant mostly but would sometimes get frustrated.
How did my partner express sadness? Was my partner often tired, low-energy, lonely or depressed?Extremely Depressed
How did my partner express shame? Was my partner often clingy, needy or seem afraid of being abandoned?He did not express much emotion mostly would withdraw and sleep.
How did my partner show happiness? Did my partner express happiness in ways that did not feel healthy and did not work for me?When he was happy he expected others to participate in what HE wanted to do. It was rare and caused resentment.
How did my partner argue and handle disagreements?He didn’t.
Was my partner able to compromise in the relationship?No
What about my partner really frustrated me?His inability to live. He did not work for several years, slept a lot and didn’t participate with family. He told our kids what to do but didn’t hear what they wanted. Very authoritative person.
What else did not work for me?His drinking, expecting me to support him, not trying to save the marriage.
What were the negative ways my partner expressed their emotions in our relationship?Not sure these questions really apply since I was widowed after being with someone continuously since 1985…
How did my partner express fear? Was my partner often defensive, judgmental, controlling, critical or blaming? Was there any bullying, teasing, jealous or sarcastic behaviors? How did my partner express anger? Was my partner often resentful, frustrated, bored, distant or aggressive? How did my partner express sadness? Was my partner often tired, low-energy, lonely or depressed? How did my partner express shame? Was my partner often clingy, needy or seem afraid of being abandoned? How did my partner show happiness? Did my partner express happiness in ways that did not feel healthy and did not work for me? How did my partner argue and handle disagreements? Was my partner able to compromise in the relationship? What about my partner really frustrated me? What else did not work for me? What were the negative ways my partner expressed their emotions in our relationship?He was critical blaming defensive judgmental and bullying
How did my partner express fear? Was my partner often defensive, judgmental, controlling, critical or blaming? Was there any bullying, teasing, jealous or sarcastic behaviors?He did not express fears — he became hyper-positive in the face of adversity and was not practical
How did my partner express anger? Was my partner often resentful, frustrated, bored, distant or aggressive?He expressed anger like a volcano and was resentful and aggressive
How did my partner express sadness? Was my partner often tired, low-energy, lonely or depressed?He would never admit to sadness — if he ever did he was tired, low energy and did not really say much.
How did my partner express shame? Was my partner often clingy, needy or seem afraid of being abandoned?He did not express shame — in fact when he left he very definitely said he did not want to be made to feel bad or remorseful for lying and having an affair.
How did my partner show happiness? Did my partner express happiness in ways that did not feel healthy and did not work for me?The ways he showed happiness that did not work for me were that he would be happy about something to try and over ride any feeling or doubt I might have about the particular activity. Steve was always saying he was positive but now I feel that was a lie so he did not have to admit to a negative feeling.
How did my partner argue and handle disagreements?He argued like it was a debate — poking holes and turning my statements around against me. Making fun of what I said. Changing the subject.
Was my partner able to compromise in the relationship?Never easily. And I think he was always resentful about compromise.
What about my partner really frustrated me?He did not solicit my opinion on matters that concerned me. He lied to me about finances. He lied to me about emotional entanglements outside of the marriage. He did not support me in parenting our son. He thought his commitments were the only commitments that mattered and that everything he did was all important because he was making the money. He did not try to help me out at home after he was out of town for days at a time and instead said I asked for help to get back at him.
What else did not work for me?I am wondering what did work for me. He planned great trips. He was a nice dresser and was willing to be generous with his money. He would usually go out with me but not always where I wanted. He did not support me when I was sick. He did not support my dreams. He really only cared about himself. He was a cruel parent by saying things like “nothing is going to get in the way of me living my life”
What were the negative ways my partner expressed their emotions in our relationship?My partner would say something but not say it with emotion.
How did my partner express fear? Was my partner often defensive, judgmental, controlling, critical or blaming? Was there any bullying, teasing, jealous or sarcastic behaviors?blaming and sarcastic
How did my partner express anger? Was my partner often resentful, frustrated, bored, distant or aggressive?My partner was resentful
How did my partner express sadness? Was my partner often tired, low-energy, lonely or depressed?She would not show it to me. Kept it to herself
How did my partner express shame? Was my partner often clingy, needy or seem afraid of being abandoned?My partner constantly put pressure on me to get married.
How did my partner show happiness? Did my partner express happiness in ways that did not feel healthy and did not work for me?NA
How did my partner argue and handle disagreements? Was my partner able to compromise in the relationship?yes
What about my partner really frustrated me?She would get confused in conversation if there was numerous conversations in a group.
She would be late for important events.
My partner was a narcissist. Always talking about himself and never seeming interested in hearing about me.
My partner tended to wards passive aggressive communication.
My partner wasn’t available, emotionally or physically.
My partners could be bully and teasing, which I didn’t like at all.
My partners weren’t solid in their own lives, which I reacted to nervously, afraid they’d be jealous of my career stability and accomplishments.
My partners tended to disappear when uncomfortable.
Different people were different ways. Yes, it’s been a pattern that partners could be verbally aggressive when angry or frustrated, or fume.
How did my partner express sadness? Was my partner often tired, low-energy, lonely or depressed?I had one partner a long time ago who was this way. I believe he was depressed. Several have been very low energy. Writing this worries me though because I myself have been low energy lately.
How did my partner express shame? Was my partner often clingy, needy or seem afraid of being abandoned?No, but I haven’t been with any partner for long.
How did my partner show happiness? Did my partner express happiness in ways that did not feel healthy and did not work for me?No. Again, I wasn’t with anyone very long.
How did my partner argue and handle disagreements?They tended to get angry and sullen.
Was my partner able to compromise in the relationship?I haven’t been with anyone long enough.
What about my partner really frustrated me?My partners have been bad communicators. They have reacted with frustration or anger unexpectedly. They could be sullen and distant in a punishing way.
What else did not work for me?The distance.
What were the negative ways my partner expressed their emotions in our relationship?impatient, not understanding, closed minded, lying
How did my partner express fear? Was my partner often defensive, judgmental, controlling, critical or blaming? Was there any bullying, teasing, jealous or sarcastic behaviors?was judgmental of other people/situations, wanted to be in control, was critical of other people, was teasing of me in front of friends that embarassed me
How did my partner express anger? Was my partner often resentful, frustrated, bored, distant or aggressive?impatience, distant, frustrated
How did my partner express sadness? Was my partner often tired, low-energy, lonely or depressed?no
How did my partner express shame? Was my partner often clingy, needy or seem afraid of being abandoned?didn’t express shame, was always right, said he failed when relationship ended
How did my partner show happiness? Did my partner express happiness in ways that did not feel healthy and did not work for me?fine
How did my partner argue and handle disagreements?Always wanting to be right
Was my partner able to compromise in the relationship?ish
What about my partner really frustrated me?always wanting to be right, not feeling like he cared about my needs, choosing fighting over the relationship, micro-managing me, being rude to friends/family
What else did not work for me? What were the negative ways my partner expressed their emotions in our relationship?W didn’t express much and was passive agressive
G also didn’t express much of his own accord but would if I ‘made’ him
W- controlling, critical, blaming, teasing
G- passive aggressive in some ways, teasing.
W- kept it in
G- would raise his voice on occasion, withdraw and act annoyed
W- withdraw and be mopey
G- say he was feeling down, cry about something sad.
W- poor fighting skills, withdraw, act like nothing was wrong or it was my fault, then later apologize.
G- would handle them pretty well but I had to initiate that happening.
I feel like they both did, but W not as much, he wanted to have the upper hand. I think Greg thought he was compromising but didn’t feel like he liked doing that.
What about my partner really frustrated me?W- Our fighting dynamic was really bad, that he made me feel bad about who I am as a person was horrible and I didn’t realize that was happening until much later.
G- How messy he was, how time together didn’t feel like a priority, how I had to push him to do social things
They way both of them left me without a conversation.
What were the negative ways my partner expressed their emotions in our relationship?blaming me for not reading his mind and telling me that “i never” or “i always” did XYZ when i didn’t know; blaming my bad memory.
dumping lots of baggage that had been stored up.
resentful without expressing it, then just giving up and choosing to lead a different life
How did my partner express sadness? Was my partner often tired, low-energy, lonely or depressed? How did my partner express shame? Was my partner often clingy, needy or seem afraid of being abandoned? How did my partner show happiness? Did my partner express happiness in ways that did not feel healthy and did not work for me? How did my partner argue and handle disagreements? Was my partner able to compromise in the relationship? What about my partner really frustrated me? What else did not work for me?