You want love, but are you ready for it? The quiz below will help you assess your readiness for a relationship.
For each item, rate yourself on a scale of 0 to 10 (where 0 is “not at all true” and 10 is “completely true”). Remember, this is a list of ideal traits—no one would score a 10 on all of them.
- I know myself and I love myself (or at a minimum I like myself a lot).
- I don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy.
- I am aware of my emotional issues and how they affect my relationships, and I’ve addressed most of them.
- I understand the need to go slowly and not rush a relationship, allowing it to develop naturally.
- I know that sex is not intimacy. Having sex too soon can give a false sense of closeness.
- I speak up about behavior that is disrespectful or that is not aligned with my values.
- I know that excessive control will not work for either person in a relationship.
- I will not waste my time or energy being in bad relationships.
- I understand the importance of making room for a mate in my life.
- I’ve recovered from past relationships by accepting them and moving on, without blaming myself or others.
- I’m open-minded about my ideal mate’s physical appearance, because how he treats me and how I feel with him is more important.
Highlight the items where you scored less than 7. These are areas that need some attention.
Now use a different color to highlight items where you scored more than 7. Congratulations—these are areas you’ve worked hard on, or that you learned early in life!
For the areas where you need some work, there are a number of things you can do. You can seek out a professional therapist—start with recommendations from people you trust. You can also look online and read self-help books. These were a big part of my strategy in learning how to recognize a healthy relationship when it waltzed into my life.
“We all have certain barriers to loving ourselves. Self-awareness is just as important as self-love, if not more important, to creating healthy relationships. Alternatives are self-compassion, self-empathy and self-forgiveness.” ― my former therapist