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WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: 1 My partners usually reacted by: 2 My default pattern of behavior in return was: 3

WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: 4 My partners usually reacted by: 5 My default pattern of behavior in return was: 6

WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: 7 My partners usually reacted by: 8 My default pattern of behavior in return was: 9

WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: 10 My partners usually reacted by: 11 My default pattern of behavior in return was: 12

WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: 13 My partners usually reacted by: 14 My default pattern of behavior in return was: 15

WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: test My partners usually reacted by: test My default pattern of behavior in return was: test

WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: test My partners usually reacted by: test My default pattern of behavior in return was: test

WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: test My partners usually reacted by: test My default pattern of behavior in return was: test

WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: test My partners usually reacted by: test My default pattern of behavior in return was: test

WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: test My partners usually reacted by: test My default pattern of behavior in return was: test

WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: Comforting me to help make me feel better My partners usually reacted by: Comforting me as well to help make me feel better My default pattern of behavior in return was: To express myself when I was afraid (This is one emotion – that I didn’t have a difficult time expressing to anyone – I don’t think I felt vulnerable in letting people know that I was afraid or scared of something)

WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: Screaming and yelling and overreacting My partners usually reacted by: Either by agreeing with me and what I was angry about or shutting down and asking for space to process what he was feeling My default pattern of behavior in return was: To express when I was angry – but to take it back immediately if I felt like I hurt the other person’s feelings or if I felt I made them angry. So I would become overly apologetic and would want to talk it out right away, even if they didn’t want to. I think it may have been difficult for me to stand my line.

WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: Being overly concerned and would get really upset that I was sad. Their reactions sometimes were over the top and sort of dramatic. My partners usually reacted by: Comforting me and trying to make me feel better My default pattern of behavior in return was: To not express myself to my family – but to express myself more to my partner. I’m having a difficult time with this question – because I am primarily using David as my “partner example”. And the other relationships I have been in have lasted on average for 2 months or less. So in these relationships I never got to the point where I felt comfortable opening up or expressing myself. I don’t think I ever really did because I was so afraid for them to see me as being vulnerable. And I was worried if they did see my vulnerabilities they would leave.

WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: Being a bit critical and judgmental My partners usually reacted by: Not a feeling I expressed to everyone I was with. But I overly recall guys being pretty understanding with this My default pattern of behavior in return was: To refrain from expressing myself

WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: Very positively and were happy for me My partners usually reacted by: Very positively and were happy for me My default pattern of behavior in return was: I would express when good things happened

WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: Ignore My partners usually reacted by: Told me not to worry My default pattern of behavior in return was: Hide everything

WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: I would threaten to get slapped My partners usually reacted by: Told me I was rediculous My default pattern of behavior in return was: Silence

WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: Didn’t want to see it My partners usually reacted by: Didn’t want to see it My default pattern of behavior in return was: Hide everything

WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: Got mad My partners usually reacted by: Told me I can’t control things My default pattern of behavior in return was: Hide my feelings

WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: He could do better My partners usually reacted by: Get mad My default pattern of behavior in return was: I don’t share

WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: discounted it / made light of it My partners usually reacted by: polite listening then change the topic My default pattern of behavior in return was: minimize it, just deal with it myself

WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: discounting, occasional irritation and/or hug me until I wasn’t angry My partners usually reacted by: polite listening then change the topic My default pattern of behavior in return was: compartmentalize, deal with it on my own

WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: listened, sometimes told I was “overly sensitive” My partners usually reacted by: listened briefly, quick hug then left or changed the topic My default pattern of behavior in return was: compartmentalize, deal with it on my own

WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: “this too shall pass” My partners usually reacted by: discounting and changing topics My default pattern of behavior in return was: minimize, compartmentalize and deal with it on my own

WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: low key support / proud My partners usually reacted by: being supportive but often turned it into something about/for them My default pattern of behavior in return was: minimize, selectively celebrate on their terms

WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: anger, impatience My partners usually reacted by: denial, disengagement My default pattern of behavior in return was: give up trying to discuss it and go feel angry by myself

WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: anger, impatience My partners usually reacted by: blame, denial My default pattern of behavior in return was: give up trying to discuss it and go feel angry by myself

WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: impatience, frustration My partners usually reacted by: disengagement My default pattern of behavior in return was: feel sad by myself

WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: impatience, anger, exasperation My partners usually reacted by: disengagement My default pattern of behavior in return was: feel ashamed by myself

WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: silence My partners usually reacted by: silence, disengagement My default pattern of behavior in return was: be happy by myself

WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: I don’t remember My partners usually reacted by: supporting me (phone calls, saying I was great and would be fine…) My default pattern of behavior in return was:

WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: getting angry back at me My partners usually reacted by: getting angry back at me My default pattern of behavior in return was: being afraid of getting angry, then getting REALLY angry (to the point of wanting to demolish the relationship entirely)

WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: observing me (my mom), distance (my dad) My partners usually reacted by: I think I hesitate to show sadness to partners My default pattern of behavior in return was: isolating myself

WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: usually about body issues. they would encourage me to lose weight. My partners usually reacted by: for body stuff, depends. My default pattern of behavior in return was: i don’t like to tell people when i feel ashamed.

WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: pumping me up even more. telling me how great I am. My partners usually reacted by: i don’t know. My default pattern of behavior in return was: getting giddy and seeking even more kudos.

WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: Ignoring or Indiffernce My partners usually reacted by: Emotionally supportive My default pattern of behavior in return was: Cautious to express, probably internalize more fear than let out

WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: Getting angrier than me My partners usually reacted by: Getting angrier than me My default pattern of behavior in return was: Felt I was at fault for my feelings, would try to not get angry ever, at all, for any reason

WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: Indifference My partners usually reacted by: Comforted My default pattern of behavior in return was: Ignore sadness mostly, feel cautious about expressing sadness

WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: Make me feel more ashamed My partners usually reacted by: Make me feel like that my feelings were not valid My default pattern of behavior in return was: Ignore or suppress feeling

WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: I don’t remember My partners usually reacted by: Enjoyed my enthusiasm… but maybe not 100% all the time My default pattern of behavior in return was: Show happiness

WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: Diminishing my feelings My partners usually reacted by: My default pattern of behavior in return was: Deny/ignore feelings and obey

WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: Punishing me My partners usually reacted by: Leaving My default pattern of behavior in return was: Don’t show my anger

WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: Ignoring/dismissing my feelings My partners usually reacted by: My default pattern of behavior in return was: Don’t express sadness to them

WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: My partners usually reacted by: My default pattern of behavior in return was:

WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: Being happy for me My partners usually reacted by: Being happy for me My default pattern of behavior in return was: Be happy

WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: Sometimes she would poo – poo the fear. My partners usually reacted by: They would negate the concern. They didn’t listen or care enough to understand. My default pattern of behavior in return was: I would withdraw

WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: Being defensive or denying me my anger. Rationalize the behavior My partners usually reacted by: Rationalize the behavior My default pattern of behavior in return was: Hold anger in until I couldn’t anymore; back off quickly

WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: Telling me to be strong or to just forget about it or try and invalidate the offender My partners usually reacted by: Belittling the offender without a full understanding of the situation My default pattern of behavior in return was: Withdraw and give as few details as possible

WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: Wouldn’t let me express those feelings My partners usually reacted by: I never went thre with my partners My default pattern of behavior in return was: Not to express shame

WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: Expecting it. My partners usually reacted by: Not celebrating. Look for the negative. My default pattern of behavior in return was: To not celebrate myself

WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: downplaying even mocking my fear My partners usually reacted by: not acknowledging my fear My default pattern of behavior in return was: didn’t express fear as much as possible. Or got angry

WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: I recall being told a was acting like a spoiled brat, being sent to my room My partners usually reacted by: responding in anger or withdrawing My default pattern of behavior in return was: I don’t get angry

WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: I don’t recall being comforted but was listened to My partners usually reacted by: Trying to fix it My default pattern of behavior in return was: I cried alone

WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: I don’t recall My partners usually reacted by: I don’t recall My default pattern of behavior in return was:

WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: They were happy My partners usually reacted by: being happy or not My default pattern of behavior in return was: still am fine expressing happiness

WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: Withdrawing My partners usually reacted by: Condescending/Contempt My default pattern of behavior in return was: Withdrawal or confrontation for validation or attention

WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: Telling me I was over reacting My partners usually reacted by: Telling me I was I was crazy My default pattern of behavior in return was: frustration, sadness, and anger

WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: That I was being dramatic – My pain was so much less than their own. My partners usually reacted by: That I was being overly sensitive My default pattern of behavior in return was: Push down my sadness or try harder for recognition of sadness.

WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: You should be ashamed My partners usually reacted by: Comtempt My default pattern of behavior in return was: Deeper shame

WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: Putting it down in some way My partners usually reacted by: Putting it down My default pattern of behavior in return was: Sadness

WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: Very loving etc My partners usually reacted by: Very loving etc My default pattern of behavior in return was: Thankful

WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: Everything was going to be ok – Mom My Dad would not put up with a bad attitude as much My partners usually reacted by: Very loving depending on situation or would not talk My default pattern of behavior in return was: Get angry

WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: Very loving My partners usually reacted by: Very loving My default pattern of behavior in return was: Go to them when I felt sad

WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: Loving etc My partners usually reacted by: Loving etc My default pattern of behavior in return was: Thankful

WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: Celebrate with me My partners usually reacted by: Celebrate with me My default pattern of behavior in return was: Be thankful

WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: Being caring, supportive, not necessarily talking about it but comforting My partners usually reacted by: trying to fix it My default pattern of behavior in return was: get angry and frustrated

WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: My partners usually reacted by: My default pattern of behavior in return was:

WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: My partners usually reacted by: My default pattern of behavior in return was:

WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: My partners usually reacted by: My default pattern of behavior in return was:

WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: My partners usually reacted by: My default pattern of behavior in return was:

WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: My partners usually reacted by: comforting me My default pattern of behavior in return was: to feel comforted and supported.

WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: commenting on my being “emotional” My partners usually reacted by: William reacted by saying I was doing it to “hurt him”, while Greg took it in stride and just something I was experiencing. My default pattern of behavior in return was: To feel like it was my fault I was angry or emotional, with Greg to accept and learn that my emotions are just that.

WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: I don’t remember My partners usually reacted by: Comforting me My default pattern of behavior in return was: I turn to my partner for comfort, a hug, to listen and sometimes I will get frustrated when I don’t feel like they don’t ‘get’ me.

WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: I don’t rememeber My partners usually reacted by: I don’t remember with W, with Greg I feel like he was understanding/supportive and put it into perspective. My default pattern of behavior in return was:

WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: I don’t remember My partners usually reacted by: Being happy for me My default pattern of behavior in return was: To enjoy my happiness.

WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: by giving calming, no need to be afraid advice My partners usually reacted by: by giving ‘there isn’t any reason to be afraid” My default pattern of behavior in return was: i guess i’m in the only one concerned so i better figure it out

WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: trying to calmly understand why i was angry and challenging me to figure out what to do next. My partners usually reacted by: acting surprised that i was angry, since i didn’t usually get angry My default pattern of behavior in return was: i guess i’m the only one concerned so i’d better figure out what i’m going to do about it.

WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: being sad with me and helping me figure out how to carry on My partners usually reacted by: acknowledging that i was sad and then kind of leaving me alone My default pattern of behavior in return was: working to get over it

WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: My partners usually reacted by: My default pattern of behavior in return was:

WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …

My caregivers usually reacted by: being happy with me and celebrating My partners usually reacted by: being happy with me and celebrating – and trying to figure out how it would benefit him My default pattern of behavior in return was: learning that joy is fleeting

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