WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
1
My partners usually reacted by:
2
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
3
WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
4
My partners usually reacted by:
5
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
6
WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
7
My partners usually reacted by:
8
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
9
WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
10
My partners usually reacted by:
11
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
12
WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
13
My partners usually reacted by:
14
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
15
WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
test
My partners usually reacted by:
test
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
test
WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
test
My partners usually reacted by:
test
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
test
WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
test
My partners usually reacted by:
test
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
test
WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
test
My partners usually reacted by:
test
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
test
WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
test
My partners usually reacted by:
test
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
test
WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Comforting me to help make me feel better
My partners usually reacted by:
Comforting me as well to help make me feel better
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
To express myself when I was afraid (This is one emotion – that I didn’t have a difficult time expressing to anyone – I don’t think I felt vulnerable in letting people know that I was afraid or scared of something)
WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Screaming and yelling and overreacting
My partners usually reacted by:
Either by agreeing with me and what I was angry about or shutting down and asking for space to process what he was feeling
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
To express when I was angry – but to take it back immediately if I felt like I hurt the other person’s feelings or if I felt I made them angry. So I would become overly apologetic and would want to talk it out right away, even if they didn’t want to. I think it may have been difficult for me to stand my line.
WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Being overly concerned and would get really upset that I was sad. Their reactions sometimes were over the top and sort of dramatic.
My partners usually reacted by:
Comforting me and trying to make me feel better
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
To not express myself to my family – but to express myself more to my partner. I’m having a difficult time with this question – because I am primarily using David as my “partner example”. And the other relationships I have been in have lasted on average for 2 months or less. So in these relationships I never got to the point where I felt comfortable opening up or expressing myself. I don’t think I ever really did because I was so afraid for them to see me as being vulnerable. And I was worried if they did see my vulnerabilities they would leave.
WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Being a bit critical and judgmental
My partners usually reacted by:
Not a feeling I expressed to everyone I was with. But I overly recall guys being pretty understanding with this
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
To refrain from expressing myself
WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Very positively and were happy for me
My partners usually reacted by:
Very positively and were happy for me
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
I would express when good things happened
WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Ignore
My partners usually reacted by:
Told me not to worry
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
Hide everything
WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
I would threaten to get slapped
My partners usually reacted by:
Told me I was rediculous
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
Silence
WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Didn’t want to see it
My partners usually reacted by:
Didn’t want to see it
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
Hide everything
WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Got mad
My partners usually reacted by:
Told me I can’t control things
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
Hide my feelings
WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
He could do better
My partners usually reacted by:
Get mad
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
I don’t share
WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
discounted it / made light of it
My partners usually reacted by:
polite listening then change the topic
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
minimize it, just deal with it myself
WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
discounting, occasional irritation and/or hug me until I wasn’t angry
My partners usually reacted by:
polite listening then change the topic
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
compartmentalize, deal with it on my own
WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
listened, sometimes told I was “overly sensitive”
My partners usually reacted by:
listened briefly, quick hug then left or changed the topic
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
compartmentalize, deal with it on my own
WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
“this too shall pass”
My partners usually reacted by:
discounting and changing topics
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
minimize, compartmentalize and deal with it on my own
WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
low key support / proud
My partners usually reacted by:
being supportive but often turned it into something about/for them
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
minimize, selectively celebrate on their terms
WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
anger, impatience
My partners usually reacted by:
denial, disengagement
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
give up trying to discuss it and go feel angry by myself
WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
anger, impatience
My partners usually reacted by:
blame, denial
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
give up trying to discuss it and go feel angry by myself
WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
impatience, frustration
My partners usually reacted by:
disengagement
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
feel sad by myself
WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
impatience, anger, exasperation
My partners usually reacted by:
disengagement
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
feel ashamed by myself
WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
silence
My partners usually reacted by:
silence, disengagement
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
be happy by myself
WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
I don’t remember
My partners usually reacted by:
supporting me (phone calls, saying I was great and would be fine…)
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
getting angry back at me
My partners usually reacted by:
getting angry back at me
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
being afraid of getting angry, then getting REALLY angry (to the point of wanting to demolish the relationship entirely)
WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
observing me (my mom), distance (my dad)
My partners usually reacted by:
I think I hesitate to show sadness to partners
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
isolating myself
WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
usually about body issues. they would encourage me to lose weight.
My partners usually reacted by:
for body stuff, depends.
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
i don’t like to tell people when i feel ashamed.
WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
pumping me up even more. telling me how great I am.
My partners usually reacted by:
i don’t know.
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
getting giddy and seeking even more kudos.
WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Ignoring or Indiffernce
My partners usually reacted by:
Emotionally supportive
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
Cautious to express, probably internalize more fear than let out
WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Getting angrier than me
My partners usually reacted by:
Getting angrier than me
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
Felt I was at fault for my feelings, would try to not get angry ever, at all, for any reason
WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Indifference
My partners usually reacted by:
Comforted
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
Ignore sadness mostly, feel cautious about expressing sadness
WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Make me feel more ashamed
My partners usually reacted by:
Make me feel like that my feelings were not valid
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
Ignore or suppress feeling
WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
I don’t remember
My partners usually reacted by:
Enjoyed my enthusiasm… but maybe not 100% all the time
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
Show happiness
WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Diminishing my feelings
My partners usually reacted by:
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
Deny/ignore feelings and obey
WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Punishing me
My partners usually reacted by:
Leaving
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
Don’t show my anger
WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Ignoring/dismissing my feelings
My partners usually reacted by:
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
Don’t express sadness to them
WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
My partners usually reacted by:
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Being happy for me
My partners usually reacted by:
Being happy for me
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
Be happy
WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Sometimes she would poo – poo the fear.
My partners usually reacted by:
They would negate the concern. They didn’t listen or care enough to understand.
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
I would withdraw
WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Being defensive or denying me my anger. Rationalize the behavior
My partners usually reacted by:
Rationalize the behavior
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
Hold anger in until I couldn’t anymore; back off quickly
WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Telling me to be strong or to just forget about it or try and invalidate the offender
My partners usually reacted by:
Belittling the offender without a full understanding of the situation
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
Withdraw and give as few details as possible
WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Wouldn’t let me express those feelings
My partners usually reacted by:
I never went thre with my partners
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
Not to express shame
WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Expecting it.
My partners usually reacted by:
Not celebrating. Look for the negative.
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
To not celebrate myself
WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
downplaying even mocking my fear
My partners usually reacted by:
not acknowledging my fear
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
didn’t express fear as much as possible. Or got angry
WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
I recall being told a was acting like a spoiled brat, being sent to my room
My partners usually reacted by:
responding in anger or withdrawing
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
I don’t get angry
WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
I don’t recall being comforted but was listened to
My partners usually reacted by:
Trying to fix it
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
I cried alone
WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
I don’t recall
My partners usually reacted by:
I don’t recall
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
They were happy
My partners usually reacted by:
being happy or not
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
still am fine expressing happiness
WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Withdrawing
My partners usually reacted by:
Condescending/Contempt
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
Withdrawal or confrontation for validation or attention
WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Telling me I was over reacting
My partners usually reacted by:
Telling me I was I was crazy
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
frustration, sadness, and anger
WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
That I was being dramatic – My pain was so much less than their own.
My partners usually reacted by:
That I was being overly sensitive
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
Push down my sadness or try harder for recognition of sadness.
WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
You should be ashamed
My partners usually reacted by:
Comtempt
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
Deeper shame
WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Putting it down in some way
My partners usually reacted by:
Putting it down
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
Sadness
WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Very loving etc
My partners usually reacted by:
Very loving etc
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
Thankful
WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Everything was going to be ok – Mom My Dad would not put up with a bad attitude as much
My partners usually reacted by:
Very loving depending on situation or would not talk
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
Get angry
WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Very loving
My partners usually reacted by:
Very loving
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
Go to them when I felt sad
WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Loving etc
My partners usually reacted by:
Loving etc
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
Thankful
WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Celebrate with me
My partners usually reacted by:
Celebrate with me
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
Be thankful
WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Being caring, supportive, not necessarily talking about it but comforting
My partners usually reacted by:
trying to fix it
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
get angry and frustrated
WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
My partners usually reacted by:
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
My partners usually reacted by:
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
My partners usually reacted by:
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
My partners usually reacted by:
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
My partners usually reacted by:
comforting me
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
to feel comforted and supported.
WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
commenting on my being “emotional”
My partners usually reacted by:
William reacted by saying I was doing it to “hurt him”, while Greg took it in stride and just something I was experiencing.
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
To feel like it was my fault I was angry or emotional, with Greg to accept and learn that my emotions are just that.
WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
I don’t remember
My partners usually reacted by:
Comforting me
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
I turn to my partner for comfort, a hug, to listen and sometimes I will get frustrated when I don’t feel like they don’t ‘get’ me.
WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
I don’t rememeber
My partners usually reacted by:
I don’t remember with W, with Greg I feel like he was understanding/supportive and put it into perspective.
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
I don’t remember
My partners usually reacted by:
Being happy for me
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
To enjoy my happiness.
WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
by giving calming, no need to be afraid advice
My partners usually reacted by:
by giving ‘there isn’t any reason to be afraid”
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
i guess i’m in the only one concerned so i better figure it out
WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
trying to calmly understand why i was angry and challenging me to figure out what to do next.
My partners usually reacted by:
acting surprised that i was angry, since i didn’t usually get angry
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
i guess i’m the only one concerned so i’d better figure out what i’m going to do about it.
WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
being sad with me and helping me figure out how to carry on
My partners usually reacted by:
acknowledging that i was sad and then kind of leaving me alone
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
working to get over it
WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
My partners usually reacted by:
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
being happy with me and celebrating
My partners usually reacted by:
being happy with me and celebrating – and trying to figure out how it would benefit him
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
learning that joy is fleeting
WHEN I FELT AFRAID AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
Criticized me and told me life isn’t fair.
My partners usually reacted by:
Mocking me, telling me to grow a thicker skin.
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
To hide my fears and weaknesses.
WHEN I FELT ANGRY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
My partners usually reacted by:
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
WHEN I FELT SAD AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
My partners usually reacted by:
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
WHEN I FELT ASHAMED AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
My partners usually reacted by:
My default pattern of behavior in return was:
WHEN I FELT HAPPY AND EXPRESSED IT …
My caregivers usually reacted by:
My partners usually reacted by:
My default pattern of behavior in return was: