I see a lot of dating advice telling women “how to be the best date ever” or “how to make sure you get a second date” or even “how to get him to commit.”
Yes, common sense says you should be nice and cordial, but for heaven’s sake, if you are looking for a long-lasting relationship, you’ve simply got to be yourself. You don’t want to trick a man into thinking you’re someone you’re not. And you certainly don’t want to waste your time or his faking your way through the date. You should ask great questions, be engaged in conversation, be playful, have fun, etc., but he also needs to know the authentic, perfectly imperfect you.
If you aren’t yourself and he’s not himself, then you’re both wasting each other’s time. You want him to be real so you know whether he’s someone you like and can potentially see yourself with, and vice versa.
It’s true, everyone is nervous and a bit on edge during a first date, so we may not always come across as smooth and polished as the dating sites suggest. We might not be witty and full of insightful questions. Really, who can sustain polish, smoothness, wittiness and insight for years and years? No one! It’s just not real.
My first piece of advice for your initial date is to dress comfortably in a way that makes you feel good about yourself. Don’t wear a sexy looking outfit if that’s not who you really are. During your date, communicate, ask questions and share as much as you are comfortably able to do. It’s okay to push yourself a bit outside of your comfort zone, but don’t go so far outside that you are pretending to be someone you’re not. If you’re comfortable and relaxed, you will be more confident, and that will bring out the best qualities in you.
You owe it to yourself and to him to be real and true on your first few dates. If he’s not interested in the perfectly imperfect you, then move on until you find a man who loves you for who you are, not someone you’re pretending to be.