Most people need help and guidance when they’re trying something new, whether it’s finding yourself single at 40+ or changing your dating patterns. Whatever the case, we all could use a little help with finding love. But do we really need to hire a dating coach? The short answer is no: You don’t need coaching to be successful with dating and finding love.
However, if you feel stuck or unsure of how to start the dating process, or how do it a different way, then yes, a coach or advisor could be helpful. You have many choices, so consider your options. Remember, it is OK to start slowly and get your bearings first before investing money in a coach
The easiest and most affordable way to start is by educating yourself. Books can help you identify where and why you are stuck. There are many great self-help books that cover general relationship issues. Once you’ve identified your specific behaviors and patterns, then you can read books that are more targeted toward your issues. For example, when I was single at age 40 and started reading self-help books, I figured out my issue was that I was attracted to narcissist, unavailable men. After I read a few general books, I did a search for books on narcissism and ordered the first one that popped up: Help! I’m in Love with a Narcissist by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol. That was the start of figuring out why I was stuck: I kept chasing unavailable men who would never love me the way I needed to be loved.
However, reading only took me so far. I needed to verbally process what I learned with another person. I found a therapist through a referral from a friend and started counseling with her. If you feel a therapist is what you need, I recommend talking to more than one. You not only need to find the right person who you’re comfortable with in order to open up and be vulnerable, but also someone who’s not a pushover and will help you really work through your issues.
There are alternatives to therapists as well. You could work with a life coach, a counselor, a spiritual guide and even a dating matchmaker. It could also be a best friend if he or she is willing to help you in this way. When asking your close support group for help, proceed cautiously. There are a couple of reasons why I say this. First, we tend to filter or discount friends’ advice. Maybe because it’s free advice so we don’t attach value to it. Or maybe we think a friend or family member might not be totally honest because they’re too close or biased towards us. Also, it’s really hard to not feel judged or criticized by those who are close to us. We may take their advice personally, resulting in hurt feelings on our part and frustration on the part of the person who is just trying to help. Whatever the reason, we tend to value and follow advice if we have to pay for it.
When considering investing in therapy or dating coach, think about how much you spend every day without really thinking about it. Having a latte each morning for a year adds up to over $1,400! Think about what you could do without, and use the money instead to invest in yourself and finding long-lasting love.
I intentionally wrote the DateWise program called the Seven Steps to Love in a do-it-yourself way to get you started. You can also work through the program with the help of a therapist, counselor, spiritual guide, life coach or even a dating matchmaker. There are many great dating coaches, and just as with a therapist, it’s important to find the one you connect with and feel comfortable opening up to. Private dating coaching with DateWise is another resource as well.
It’s important for you to know you have options!